


To Weep and Not to Understand

by potatoesanddreams



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: (I mean it's Nienna), Angst, F/M, Ficlet, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, Lovers To Enemies, Nienna and Morgoth were (are?) married, Post-War of Wrath, TRSB2020 Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26523700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatoesanddreams/pseuds/potatoesanddreams
Summary: Before the world was made they had been united, and they had rejoiced in the union without reserve. Their minds had lain open to each other in trust, so that the thought of the one was completed by the other, and there had been no deception between them. And before the world was made, he had left her, because she would not follow him. He had cursed her for her betrayal, and she had wept for his, and since that time she had never been able to do so much as guess at his thoughts.-After the War of Wrath, Nienna speaks with her husband for the last time.
Relationships: Morgoth Bauglir | Melkor/Nienna
Comments: 5
Kudos: 27





	To Weep and Not to Understand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GloomyCamomile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GloomyCamomile/gifts).



> A treat for TRSB2020, inspired by GloomyCamomile's headcanon and lovely artwork, which can be found here: https://gloomy-makes-art.tumblr.com/post/627344317284057088/my-piece-for-the-trsb2020-tolkienrsb-in-collab

“I regret it.”

“No,” Nienna said softly, “you don’t.”

Melkor looked at her, and then at Tulkas standing by – and laughed, harsh and sudden. Nienna did not flinch.

“No,” said her husband. “I don’t.”

Her tears ran thicker.

There were a thousand things she wanted to say to him, now, before the chance was gone forever. Before the world was made they had been united, and they had rejoiced in the union without reserve. Their minds had lain open to each other in trust, so that the thought of the one was completed by the other, and there had been no deception between them.

And before the world was made, he had left her, because she would not follow him. He had cursed her for her betrayal, and she had wept for his, and since that time she had never been able to do so much as guess at his thoughts – though for a time in Valinor he had deceived her into believing otherwise. But she _did not understand_ ; and sometimes, later, her heart had burned to seek him out and join herself to him without reserve, if thereby she might feel again the old familiar contours of his spirit, and fathom the innermost reaches of his mind.

Yet, fierce as it was, the desire had never truly tempted her. He had ravaged his spirit, had laid his mind in ruin. He remained that creation of Eru with whom she had fallen in love only against the utmost effort of his will. To join him, she would have had to hate him – hate all that he was, and all that she was besides, and believe as he did that they might destroy in themselves everything that Eru had made, and still exist to triumph afterwards.

And she would have had to hate the sea, and the sky, and the earth, and above all the Children – hate them as he hated them, so utterly and with so much of his being that he could sit chained and maimed and desolate before her, and laugh at the destruction he had wrought.

If she had understood his thought, she would have known what to say to reach him.

If she had understood his thought, she would have been as lost as he.

“I love you,” she said, and turned away.


End file.
